Second, Third Time Around?

Some years back a friend was filling for divorce. Having been married in the Catholic Church some family members, as you might imagine, were particularly nasty toward him and shunned him with the exception of his mother. She told him that Pearl Buck offered a good dose of sanity when she wrote that people should have three marriages (at different times, of course).

One marriage for the child rearing years, a second for the mid-life cavorting years  and a third for the  graying years.

The child rearing years are also a time of accumulating. A home, security, Higher education, set backs, gains, chauffeuring the kids. We become so absorbed in that process that our sense of self becomes obscure. We come to believe that we are about doing rather than being.

Then along comes mid-like and just being wants some satisfaction. We want quiet, fishing, camping, time to enjoy the fruits of our labors. Maybe one partner has a reluctance to that change which frustrates the other partner or spouse. The only alternative seems to be separation. But is that really so?

Renewal of Vows can save a lot of grief and remorse if we contemplate the deeper meaning of the renewal and see it as an initiation into a new phase where the deep down yearning for answers to “What is My Life Purpose” can serve as keys to unlock the beauty of our shared accomplishments.